A 70-year-old beagle was arrested by Lake Oswego Police after he mounted andtried to hump a near-puppy that is one tenth his age - in both human and dog years.The aged beagle was charged with sexual assault, a charge that would carry the more serious charge of rape if the suspect had not been suffering from canine ED - a rare affliction in the world of dogs.Apparently the pharmaceutical companies have not seen great profit potential in producing a canine equivalent for Viagra, despite encouragement by breeders. The victim, now an emotionally disabled chihuahua, is quoted as saying, "Whew!I'm glad Gramps wasn't puffed up on the blue pill."
Lake Oswego police assigned to dog park patrol said that this is the first serious crime reported in the park.One officer, who chose to remain anonymous stated, "We had a few problems with homeless people dressing in dog costumes and sleeping in the park, but no one could fool our patrols because we know dogs don't usually get that big, or walk upright."
The owner of the chihuahua refused to comment other than to say, "Those fucking beagles try to fly and fuck into old age."
In a final footnote to the bizarre incident, the owner of the dog responsible for the crime admitted his beagle is a registered sex offender in California.His dog, named Barney, is being held at the county jail without bail because he stated, "I'll mount any damn chihuahua I please.They're no damn good!No good at all."
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